Thursday, December 28, 2006

Day at the beach, and more cartoons









alligator comes knocking

Friday, December 22, 2006

hard-to-find holiday toys



Tuesday, December 12, 2006

birdeee!


This is the *most* adorable picture! Looks like a goldfinch mebbe? --spleen

Monday, December 11, 2006

Hallmark cards that don't exist

How could two people as beautiful as you

Have such an ugly baby?

__________________

Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go ...

Would you like to take this knife out of my back?

You'll probably need it again.

__________________

Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!

(Available only in Tennessee , Kentucky & West Virginia )

__________________

When we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up,

I think it's time you kept your promise.

__________________

I'm so miserable without you

it's almost like you're here.

__________________

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.

Did you ever find out who the father was?

Thursday, December 7, 2006

need new rules in today's society

1. New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.

2. New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.

3. New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.

4. New Rule: and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your webcam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.

5. New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

stork for dinner

apropos for holiday season overeating

um... maybe it's time to call the fire department?

redneck cup holder

new hands-free cell phone


Hey, this is the model I have too!

must... reach... cookie!

Tuesday, December 5, 2006

Homer Simpson's Christmas Song

Check out audio of Homer Simpson's Christmas song, to get you in the holiday spirit! --spleen