baby got book

I am dying laughing. Check out this video "baby got book".

another video

This is sweeping the globe! How can I ever be the same again. Do a Google video search and you'll find a zillion renditions of "I want it that way" by the Back Street Boys. Those chinese students I mentioned last still rock but THESE GUYS are pretty awesome too. They've got it down all the way to the guy in the background reading a book.

video of students lip-synching

OMG. These guys are my new heroes. It's along the lines of the Numa Numa song that was out a few months back. The guy in the background who seems oblivious to all the commotion cracks me up. Apparently you can use Google to search for videos and that's how a friend of mine found this.

UPDATE Nov. 28 - I found out who these guys are! They're majoring in sculpture at the Guangzhou Arts Institute. They have a blog but it's in Chinese.

with customers like these, who needs friends?

Funny post on Clientcopia: 'At our facility we recently changed our hours from 8am to 4pm. A man comes in at 3:50pm. and says "Oh I see you close at 4 now, does that mean 'I' have to leave at 4?"'

Here's another Clientcopia post from someone who worked at a photo store.

Here are the top 20. If you're a designer of any kind you will especially like this site.

more of weird-food.com, venus flytrap dies after eating spam

Here are a few more snippets from www.weird-food.com:

- Someone reportedly fed Spam to their Venus fly trap and it died.

- If you haven't already, you can fry up your placenta for a tasty dish.

- Have you ever tried silkworm pupas? Steve did. (Check out that link after you read this:) "Steaming, grey silk worm grubs can be found in vendor's carts on the back streets of Seoul, Korea. There's this one oriental grocery store near me that I've been going to for several years. At first, as expected, when I asked what strange things were I get the standard "You won't like that." I soon got past that stage with the owner. It's probably been over a year since I've got the you-won't-like-it explanation. Today I got it again! The food in question? "Chrysalis." It's a can of bugs. Of course I bought it, but I don't know what to do with it. I opened the can, and it certainly smelled strange. I was assured that it was delicious and very healthy. Do I just heat it and enjoy? Would fresh chrysalis bugs be better than canned? Thanks for the help. Guess: A caterpillar spins a cocoon around itself when it is ready to mutate into a butterfly or moth. At this stage it is known as a "chrysalis" or "pupa". Perhaps they're silkworm pupae, since the orient produces a lot of silk."

weird food - surstromming

I just found weird-food.com. Here's a description of someone's experience with surstromming:

The most disgusting thing I've ever attempted to eat in my life must go to a Swedish dish called Surstromming, translated into English as 'fermented herring.' Now, surstromming is something that I often heard mentioned by friends, "Hey, Bob, have you eaten surstromming yet, hah hah hah?" I knew that it was fermented fish and that eating it would be a challenge but, having eaten all sorts of weird seafood when I lived in Spain, I was determined to give it a go.

One day, just around lunchtime, I was shopping in my local supermarket when I came across a tin of the stuff. "Well, now seems as good a time as any," I thought, and popped it into my shopping basket. When I got back home, I put it in the middle of the kitchen table and took a tin opener out of the drawer. Now, what no one had told me was that fermenting builds up quite a lot of pressure inside the can and that you should always cover a surstromming can with a cloth before you open it. The other thing I didn't know is that surstromming is usually eaten outdoors.

I leaned over the tin and just at the moment I pierced it, there was a hissing sound and then a fountain of juice shot into the air and spattered the left lens of my glasses - thank goodness I was wearing glasses; I hate to think what it could have done to my eye. Then, the air in the room was filled with a stench that was reminiscent of a public toilet that hadn't been cleaned for 20 years. I picked up a piece of the fish on my fork, held my breath, screwed up my eyes and placed it into my mouth.

Can you imagine how a solidified lump of surgical spirit would taste? Well, that's the feeling I had as it burned into my tongue. I rushed over to the kitchen sink, spat it out, coughed a lot, and drank several glasses of water. Then I went back to the table, tied up the can in 3 plastic bags and dumped it in the garbage. Some of the juice had spilled onto the plastic tablecloth, so I wiped it up with a dishcloth, opened the window to get rid of the stench and then left the room.

When I went back into the kitchen 10 minutes later, I beheld the most nauseating thing I've ever seen in my whole life. The room was full of flies - about forty of them and they were just going absolutely crazy, charging all around the room at supersonic speed, bouncing off one wall, then bouncing off the opposite one. I put my handkerchief over my mouth (the fact that I didn't throw up was close to miraculous), ran over to the window and closed it. I then ran for some fly spray and just sprayed continuously for over a minute. Then I left the room and waited for about 10 minutes. Finally, I looked back in - all the flies were lying on the floor. I got the vacuum cleaner out of the room and swiftly disposed of the remains.

Sweden has some nice dishes. I loved pytt i panna, Janssons frestelse, and pickled (as opposed to 'fermented' herring) washed down with Swedish schnapps is a wonderful treat. But as for surstromming... well, enough said.

Unfortunate domain names (like penisland.net)

1. 'Who Represents?' A company database for agencies to the rich and famous. http://www.whorepresents.com

2. Experts Exchange. A knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views. http://www.expertsexchange.com

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island...http://www.penisland.net

4. Need a therapist? Try here. http://www.therapistfinder.com

5. Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales. http://www.molestationnursery.com

(This next one took me a minute) 6. Gas central heating anyone? http://www.gasheating.co.uk

Jewish mother/daughter joke

This made me laugh:
...
Phone rings.
JEWISH MOTHER (picks up the phone and answers)
Jewish Mother: Hello?
Daughter: Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight?
Jewish Mother: You're going out?
Daughter: Yes.
Jewish Mother: With whom?
Daughter: With a friend.
Jewish Mother: I don't know why you left your husband. He is such a good man.
Daughter: I didn't leave him. He left me!
Jewish Mother: You let him leave you, and now you go out with anybodies and nobodies.
Daughter: I do not go out with anybody. Can I bring over the kids?
Jewish Mother: I never left you to go out with anybody except your father.
Daughter: There are lots of things that you did and I don't.
Jewish Mother: What are you hinting at?
Daughter: Nothing. I just want to know if I can bring the kids over tonight.
Jewish Mother: You're going to stay the night with him? What will your husband say if he finds out?
Daughter: My EX husband. I don't think he would be bothered. From the day he left me, he probably never slept alone!
Jewish Mother: So you're going to sleep over at this loser's place?
Daughter: He's not a loser.
Jewish Mother: A man who goes out with a divorced woman with children is a loser and a parasite.
Daughter: I don't want to argue. Should I bring over the kids or not?
Jewish Mother: Poor children with such a mother.
Daughter: Such a what?
Jewish Mother: With no stability. No wonder your husband left you.
Daughter: ENOUGH !!!
Jewish Mother: Don't scream at me. You probably scream at this loser too!
Daughter: Now you're worried about the loser?
Jewish Mother: Ah, so you see he's a loser. I spotted him immediately.
Daughter: Goodbye, mother.
Jewish Mother: Wait! Don't hang up! When are you bringing them over?
Daughter: I'm not bringing them over! I'm not going out!
Jewish Mother: If you never go out, how do you expect to meet anyone?

Five tips for women

Five tips for women.

1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.

2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.

3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.

4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.

5. It is important that these four men don't know each other.

Our cheery household pumpkin on the front porch

Here's our cheery Halloween pumpkin for this year... it has started to rot but the mold gives it more character! I had to post this because I laugh everytime I see it.

another joke: what does a kiss taste like?

One day a teacher had a taste test with her students. She picked a little boy to do the first test.

She blindfolded him, put a Hershey kiss in his mouth and asked, "Do you know what it is?"

"No, I don't," said the little boy. "Okay, I'll give you a clue... It's the thing your Daddy wants from your Mom before he goes to work.

Suddenly, a little girl at the back of the room yelled, "Spit it out! It's a piece of ass!"

arthritis joke

A drunk, who smelled of beer sat down, on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.

He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Tell me, Father, what causes arthritis?"

The priest replied, "My Son, it is caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and a lack of personal hygiene."

The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be darned," and returned to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, put his hand gently on the man's arm and apologized. "I'm sorry.... I should not have come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have arthritis, Father," the drunk replied. "I was just reading here that the Pope does."

Trailer too small? Put on an addition!

Who would put an addition on their trailer? And it's not just a trailer but it's a travel trailer! This cracks me up. I found it in a real estate magazine for Delaware.

Sell your regrets on Ebay, like these leather pants.

Funny auction on ebay - someone was selling their leather pants:

You are bidding on a mistake. We all make mistakes. We date
the wrong people for too long. We chew gum with our mouths
open. We say inappropriate things in front of grandma.

And we buy leather pants.

I can explain these pants and why they are in my possession. I
bought them many, many years ago under the spell of a
woman whom I believed to have taste. She suggested I try
them on. I did. She said they looked good. I wanted to have a
relationship of sorts with her. I'm stupid and prone to impulsive
decisions. I bought the pants.

The relationship, probably for better, never materialised. The
girl, whose name I can't even recall, is a distant memory. I
think she was short.

Ultimately, the pants were placed in the closet where they have
remained, unworn, for nearly a decade. I would like to
emphasise that aside from trying these pants on, they have
never, ever been worn. In public or private.

I have not worn these leather pants for the following reasons:

I am not a member of Queen.

I do not like motorcycles.

I am not Rod Stewart.

I am not French.

I do not cruise for transvestites in an expensive sports car.

These were not cheap leather pants. They are Donna Karan
leather pants. They're for men. Brave men, I would think.
Perhaps tattooed, pierced men. In fact, I'll go so far as to say
you either have to be very tough, very gay, or very famous to
wear these pants and get away with it.

Again, they're men's pants, but they'd probably look great on
the right lady. Ladies can get away with leather pants much
more often than men can. It's a sad fact that men who own
leather pants will have to come to terms with.

They are size 34x34. I am no longer size 34x34, so even were I
to suddenly decide I was a famous gay biker I would not be
able to wear these pants. These pants are destined for
someone else. For reasons unknown - perhaps to keep my
options open, in case I wanted to become a pirate - I have
shuffled these unworn pants from house to house, closet to
closet. Alas, it is now time to part ways so that I may use the
extra room for any rhinestone-studded jeans I may purchase in
the future.

These pants are in excellent condition. They were never taken
on pirate expeditions. They weren't worn onstage. They didn't
straddle a Harley, or a guy named Harley. They just hung
there, sad and ignored, for a few presidencies.

Someone, somewhere, will look great in these pants. I'm
hoping that someone is you, or that you can be suckered into
buying them by a girl you're trying to bed. Please buy these
leather pants.

My favorite bad writing

Here are my favorite examples from the 2005 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest:

"The dragon cast his wet, rheumy eyes, heavy-lidded with misery, over his kingdom-a malodorous, rot-ridden swamp, with moss cloaking brooding, gloomy cypresses, tree trunks like decayed teeth rising from stagnant ponds, creatures with mildewed fur and scales whom the meanest roadside zoo would have rejected--and hoped the antidepressants would kick in soon."

"She walked toward him, her dress billowing in the wind -- not a calm and predictable billows like the sea, but more like the billowing of a mildewed shower curtain in a cheap motel where one has to dance around to avoid touching it while trying to rinse off soap."

"After she realized the man she had fallen in love with was her long lost twin brother and they must break up immediately, they shared one last kiss that left a bitter yet sweet taste in her mouth--kind of like throwing up after eating a junior mint."