Daughter's boyfriend doesn't seem so bad now, eh?

Tattoos and piercing like I've seldom seen...these are not Halloween costumes.

Too busy to have kids?

Dancing bird

Bird-lovers will appreciate this -- Snowball, the dancing cockatoo revs it up to the Back Street Boys. (1 min. 17 sec.)

Internet slang

What if people had whole conversations in Internet slang? Here's what they might sound like:

From Disneykid1, a really funny YouTuber.

If you're not sure if you want kids, try this

pumpkins from tonight

The fruit (or, rather, vegetable) of tonight's labors:

Love letter from F. -- beware

I hope I don't get one of these this year...

My Dearest,

I will seek and find you. I shall take you to bed and have my way with you. I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan & grown. I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop. I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I am finished with you - and when I am finished, you will be weak for days.

My best to you,
The FLU

Funny thoughts on marriage

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. -Socrates

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. -Henny Youngman

I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't. -Patrick Murray

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. -Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. -Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. -Milton Berle

The most revolting dishes I have ever heard of.

This page depicts six actual food dishes which are all equally so revolting I can't even label one as being the worst. Baby mice wine... ant eggs... maggot-ridden cheese... ugh, I can't go on.

Shakira spoof video

The best version of "hips don't lie" ever...

My cubicle

To the tune of "You're Beautiful" by James Blunt... here's "My Cubicle" (2 minutes)...

How to tell if you're not mom's favorite

Dog or kids?

Should I get a dog...

Or have children?

famous last (redneck) words

Q. What are the last things a redneck says before he goes to the emergency room?

A. "Here, hold my beer," and "Hey, y'all... watch this!"

The angry chicken

Hilarious video: The Angry Chicken (by Nike), about a minute long. You have no idea how pissed a chicken can be until you see this.

installing a cheap security system

Ok, so someone sends me this joke earlier and just by coincidence Dan is out driving around and passes this sign and sends me the picture. Unbelievable timing! --spleen

Installing a Cheap Home Security System

1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 16 work boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with copies of the Guns & Ammo magazine and some back-issues of NRA magazine.

3. Put several giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines(Include a deer thigh-bone).

4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

Hey Duke,

Big Jim, Slammer, Slim, and I went for more hollow-point ammo. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls -- they attacked the mailman this morning and they messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it. Thank God! It was hard to tell, though, from all the blood. Took Bobbi-Jo hours to clean up the sidewalk. Anyways, I locked all four of 'em dogs up in the house. Better wait outside. They're kinda spooked.

So here's the note Dan found today (of all days! I am not making this up!)



10/7 update:

Ok, so I learned the "notis" was actually written by someone, but not the guy who posted it up in Maryland. It's actually written by B. Criscom about a century ago, according to a paper in Google's cache from the NY State Bar Association's website which says:

At the head office of the Union Pacific Railroad in Omaha there is an old photograph of a sign that was nailed up along the right-of-way of the railroad somewhere in the Midwest about a century ago. It reads:

“Notis! Trespassers will be persecuted to the full extent of two mungrel dogs which never was over sochible to strangers and 1 dubble brl shot gun which aint loded with sofa pillers. Dam if I ant getting tired of this hell raisin on my place.” B.Criscom.