Monday, January 28, 2008

-- letter from the over-35 crowd to today's youth

The Spoiled Under 35 Crowd

(If you are 35 or older you will think this is hilarious!)

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning ... uphill BOTH ways .. yadda, yadda, yadda

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But now that...

I'm over the ripe old age of thirty five , I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! and I hate to say it but you kids today don't know how good you've got it!

1. When I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!

2. There was no email! ! We had to actually write somebody a letter... with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!

3. There were no MP3's or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!

4. We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it!

5. And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

6. We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like "Space Invaders" and "asteroids" and the graphics were horrible! Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! . Just like LIFE!

7. When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy or some old broad with a hat sat in front of you and you couldn't see, you were just screwed!

8. Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 15 channels and there was no screen menu! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! And there was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons!

9. And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove or go build a fire ... imagine that! If we wanted popcorn, we had to use that stupid JiffyPop thing or a pan with HOT oil and Real popcorn kernels and shake it all over the stove forever like an idiot.

10. When we were on the phone with our friends and our parents walked-in, we were stuck to the wall with a cord, a 7 foot cord that ran to the phone - not the phone base, the actual phone. We barely had enough length to sit on the floor and still be able to twirl the phone cord in our fingers. If you suddenly had to go to the bathroom - guess what we had to do.....hang up and talk to them later.

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled.

You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980!

The over 35 Crowd

Saturday, January 26, 2008

-- What she needs (joke)

A husband and wife came for counseling after 15 years of marriage.

When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade, listing every problem they ever had in the 15 years they had been married.

She went on and on and on; neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, and walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.

The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?"

The husband thought for a moment and replied, "Well, I can drop her off here on Monday and Wednesdays but on Fridays I go fishing."

Monday, January 21, 2008

-- Nontraditional A Cappella Christmas song

Sounds traditional at the beginning but worth listening 'til the very end.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

moving tip

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

-- Kid sandwiched between two fatties on a bike

There is actually a child in this photo, look hard. Poor kid. No one likes being trapped between parents no matter what size.

Monday, January 14, 2008

-- why you shouldn't let your mom make your wedding invitations!

Sunday, January 13, 2008

-- Brothel Trip (joke)

An elderly man (different one) goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.

"I'm 90 years old," he says.

"90!" replies the madam. Don't you realize you've had it?"

"Oh, sorry," says the old man. "How much do I owe you?


image credits

Monday, January 7, 2008

-- Advice for advertisers - if you're selling anti-wrinkle cream, the models shouldn't have wrinkles

I got this in the mail the other day and was looking it over thinking hmmm, I could maybe use an anti-wrinkle cream.

Then I'm looking more closely at the ad.... shouldn't the model be a shining example of what I will look like once I slather this stuff on my face? I've never SEEN crows feet like these! Maybe the advertisers were only focusing on the "slackened-skin" chin and didn't notice the Klingon wrinkle set further up but come on. You could have Photoshopped this a little better than that!

Saturday, January 5, 2008

-- computer jokes

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Chappelle clip and MP3

I love Dave Chappelle. Here's his clip about why Oscar the Grouch is so grumpy: "B*tch! I live in a f***ing trash can!"
(*Download 33k mp3)
To download, right-click and select "save target as" or "save link as."
Or see video below, embedded from Ebaum's World:

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

oh snap!

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

New Year's resolutions I can actually keep

10. Read less.
9. Put on at least 30 pounds.
8. Stop exercising so much.
7. Watch more TV.
6. Procrastinate more.
5. Drink more.
4. Eat more junk and less veggies.
3. Waste more water and stop turning off so many unused lights.
2. Eat out more.
1. Spend more money.